I'm a little behind on this post because my baby-man turned 1 last Friday (!!!) but I have been suffering from Bronchitis for the past week so it's taken me this long to feel up to thinking hard enough to write. Please bare with me as I try to remember all the things I've learned in the past year.
1. Every phase/rough patch passes. In the first days of Zack's life, I found it hard to believe that things wouldn't always revolve around feedings and diaper changes. All those sleepless nights seemed to stretch on into my future and the very thought made me physically exhausted. I am so grateful to have the knowledge that nothing lasts forever. Not only will I use that fact to get through difficult phases he goes through but also as a reminder to cherish his childhood. Each age and stage goes so quickly - take lots of pictures, write lots in the baby book/journal and enjoy every day (even the cranky ones!).
2. You can (and will) survive on little to no sleep. Time after time I've woken up feeling tired or sick and not sure if I could push through the day. With my baby in my life I've no option but to suffer through some days very tired because there are no sick days in mommyhood! And guess what? I survived and lived to do it all again the next day. This isn't to say I don't enjoy extra sleep when I can get it but I'm confident in the fact that life will go on whether I've had 8 hours or 3.
3. A smile can change everything. This one seems pretty obvious but until I saw Zack smile for the first time I'd never felt my whole body give in to such a simple concept. The love between us is so simple and pure that his smile, laugh and general good mood is extremely contagious to me! It is such a natural high to have someone effect me in this way!
4. I am my child's biggest advocate. There was much medical confusion in the early days of Zack's life as my husband and I struggled to understand all the jargon that was thrown at us. Ultimately it took a few weeks for me to realize that the doctor's weren't running the show - this was MY baby and I had a say in his care. I began making requests, asking for more information and stating what I thought needed to be happening. I've never really been responsible for another life before and this has been one of my biggest challenges. As hard as I find it to speak up at times, I will not hesitate to tell someone what my son needs. If my father-in-law is trying to make him play when I can see he is obviously tired, it's not bitchy to make it clear that it's time for a nap - Zack needs me to stand up for him.
5. I am still a good mother even if I do stupid things. When Zack was about 4 months old he hit his head pretty hard causing a bruise and I wanted to crawl into a whole and die. Since then, we've had plenty of mishaps, falls and even bad decisions on my part but ultimately I always have his best interest at heart (even when I left him suck on french fries) and therefore I am a wonderful mother.
I'm sure there are more and even deeper lessons I've learned over the year but these ones are the ones that stand out. I knew being a Mom would be different then anything I'd ever taken on but I didn't expect it to change me as much as it has. As I continue to shape Zack's personality, he is doing the same to mine.
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