Friday, 1 April 2011

April Fools!

I indicated on Facebook this morning that I'm excited my little guy, Zack is going to be a big brother!  Don't get me wrong, this is absolutely true - he will be a big brother ..... some day!  This was the best prank I could come up with on short notice.  Last year's consisted of phoning my parents under the pretense that I had gone into labour - they were not amused by that, to say the least. 

Today has got me thinking about how miserable I was this time last year.  Yes, I said miserable.  I truly thought nothing could be worse then the uncomfortable pain I was in.  Little did I know that emotional pain could be far more complicated and unbearable then anything I was currently experiencing.  April 1st, 2010 had me begging to be induced but only a month later I would be struggling to understand medical jargon and how I was supposed to leave my infant at the hospital.  The first few weeks of Zack's life are a bit of a blur.  He was diagnosed with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome roughly 24 hours after his birth - this is a fancy way of saying "way to go Mom, you messed up".  Due to a rib fracture he caused in utero, I was prescribed Tylenol 2's with Codeine and in turn Zack suffered from withdrawl so severe the doctors said it was comparable to if I had been a heroine addict.  Words cannot express the guilt, fear and turmoil I went through over the next month as he was weaned off of Morphine.

Needless to say we had a rough start but here we are almost a year later and I can talk about the possibility of a future pregnancy - something I couldn't have done in those first weeks after he was born.  And to think I didn't even know him this time last year!  Someone who I spend all my time with, laugh with constantly and watch turn into more of a monkey every day, didn't even exist a year ago!  I'm so proud to be his Mommy and am willing to take all the guilt, fear and turmoil that sometimes go with that because I now know smiles, giggles and slobbery kisses go with it too!

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